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- The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.
- Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? Ten what? Months? Weeks?!”
Doctor: “Nine. Eight. Seven . . . ”
- Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car’s indicators are working.He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
- A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.“Magic beer,” he says.“Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?”Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof—and plummets 15 stories to the ground.
The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
- A mother asks her young sons what they want for breakfast. The first little boy says, “I’ll have some of your damned pancakes.”The mother angrily sends him to his room for cursing. She glares at the other little boy and asks, “What do you want for breakfast?!”The second boy says, “Well, I sure don’t want your damned pancakes!”
- “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’ So we stopped playing chess.”
- Fifty one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted into the U.S. Army.On the first day of basic training, he was issued a comb. That same day, a barber cut off all of his hair.The next day, he was issued a tooth brush. Shortly afterward, a dentist pulled 7 of his teeth.Then, on the third day, he was issued a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
- Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his bar stool and lies motionless on the floor.
“One thing about Fred,” his buddy says to the bartender. “He knows when to stop.”
- A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Have you been served?”
- A cornstalk walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?”
The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”
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