I took the Light Rail a few days ago. I was sitting near a man with a one year old on his lap. The kid was screaming.
I said “He’s really spoiled, isn’t he?”
The guy said “No, he always smells this way.”
Bacon and Eggs walked into Cahoots. Jesse said “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
Before I was an adult, I never understood “Do what I say, not what I do.”
I called the ER and said “Doctor. My wife is having a baby. The contractions are coming really fast.” The doctor asked Is this her first child.” I said. “No, this is her husband.”
I was talking with a really beligerant man a few years ago, and he said “I screwed your mother.” I answered. “Just take your medication, Dad.”
