Not At All Surprised
According to a new report, adverse side effects occurred in over 3,000 women who used Botox last year—when questioned none of them seemed surprised. —Crystal Lowery
Dropped Out
The last year I entered a marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of all the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. Saying, “Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?” I replied, “You really want to know?” So I dropped out of the race.
Astaire a Mess
Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were dining in New York. Ginger was resplendent in a ball gown and pearls, and Fred also sported evening wear. But the meal was marred when the waiter bringing their desserts tripped and covered Fred from head to toe in treacle sponge. “I’m terribly sorry,” said the waiter. “So you should be,” replied Fred. “Thanks to you, I’ve pudding on my top hat, pudding on my white tie, pudding on my tails.”
Kind Words
A man is at the funeral of an old friend. He tentatively approaches the deceased’s wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, “Plethora.” The widow smiles appreciatively. “Thank you,” she says. “That means a lot.”
End of a Sentence
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
