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- I have always been a disappointment. When I was five years old, I looked down at the crayons I was colouring with and sighed: When I was two, this was not what I saw myself doing at five.
- I called the doctor’s office yesterday, and the recording said “If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.”
- Cynthia was in the emergency room when a young male nurse came in to ask routine medical questions.Nurse: Have you ever had a hysterectomy?
Cynthia: Yes.
Nurse: When?
Cynthia: 2011.
Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant?
Cynthia: Do you think this is the right career for you?
- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
- What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?
A parrot.
- Last night, Jasmmine ate our entire Scrabble set
This morning, she keeps leaving little messages around the house.
- What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?
Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.
- How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
- Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?
All of the fans left.
- Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
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