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- A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “I’ll have five beers, please.”
- Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve noble gases here.”
Despite the bartender’s rudeness, the helium doesn’t react.
- A golf club walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer. The bartender refused to serve him. “Why not,” asked the golf club. “Because you’ll be driving later,” replied the bartender.
- Two antennae met in a bar, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
- A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
- A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.
- My wife called me and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”I was a little concerned as I answered, “No.”She said, “How about now?”
- A boy asks his Dad one day, “Dad, what’s the difference between confident and confidential?”His Dad replies, “Well, you’re my son – I’m confident about that. And your best friend Jimmy is also my son – that’s confidential.”
- I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5% raise.Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “The gas, electric, and cable company.”
- I don’t have a joke, instead, I’m going to tell you my favorite animal fact. Did you know that ants are the only animals that don’t get sick? It’s true! It’s because they have little antibodies.
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