GNumbers, Bobby Bare
I was sitting in Fridays sucking on a glass of wine
When in walked this chick who almost struck me blind
Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
On a scale of 1 to 10, I give her a Nine.
Now, on my scale there ain’t no Tens, you know
Nine’s about as far as any chick can go
So I flashed her a smile and she didn’t even look at me
So, for brains and good judgment, I’d give her a Three
I said, “Hey, sweet thing, you look like a possible date.
You and I could make 18 if your head’s on straight.”
She looked up and down my Perfect Frame
And said these words that burned into my Perfect Brain
She said, “Well, another one of those macho image men
The kind who grade all women on a scale from 1 to 10
You give me an eight? That’s a generous thing to do
Now let’s just see how much I give you.”
A
She said you’re coming on to me with that phony numbers jive
Your style, it makes me smile, I’ll give it a Five
When you walked up, I noticed that suit of yours
It’s last year‘s double knit frayed cuff, I’d give it a Four
That must be your car parked out on the curb
That 2010 homemade convertible a 3 1/3
As for that build I guess you’re less than Five
Except for your big gut, I’d give that at Ten for size
That wine you’re pouring might be fine for you
But I’m used to find champagne, I’d give it a 2
It’s hard to tell what your flashing smile is worth
I’ll give it a Six, you could use some dental work
It’s your struttin’ rooster act that really makes me laugh
It may be a 10 to these country hens, but to me – 3 1/2
And there’s really not much to add once the Subtractin’s done
Since there ain’t no Zero, I’ll give you One
She walked out, while up and down the line
The whole bar was laughing, said, “Chase, what happened to your 9?
“Nine”, I said, “Hell, soon as she opened her mouth, I knew
She didn’t really have no class, I barely gave her a 2.”
No [A]matter how good they look at first,
There’s [D]flaws in all of them
That’s [E]why on a scale of 10 to 1, Friends
There ain’t no [A]Ten!
